How to write your own eulogy (and plan backward from it)

In What happened to my goals when I wrote my own eulogy?, I shared how an exercise from one of my mentors reshuffled my priorities. The 5- and 10-year goals I'd been chasing (free time, income, net worth) fell into the background, and a different list took their place: my faith, my marriage, my kids, generosity, and deep friendships.

This is the process I used, step by step. All you need is a notebook, an hour or so, and some quiet.

The steps

1.) Pick the reader. Choose one person you love to read your eulogy at your funeral: your spouse, a son or daughter, a close friend. Write it in their voice. When I pictured my son reading mine, I noticed right away that he wasn't going to mention revenue or work hours.

2.) Write it. In their words, write what they'd say about how you lived, how you loved them, and where your time and energy went. Keep it to about a page. Don't try to make it impressive or edit as you go; just write it honestly.

3.) List the priorities that survive. Read it back and pull out the 4 to 6 things that show up. Write each one as a priority. For me, that was my identity in God, my relationship with Him, my marriage, a lifelong connection with my kids, stewardship and generosity, and friendships in an authentic church community. Yours may look different, and that's OK. Then set your current goals list next to it and notice what didn't make the eulogy.

4.) Walk them back: 20 years, 10 years, 5 years, 1 year. Take each priority and ask two questions at every stop: "Is this still the priority?" and "What would it look like here?" When I did this, the answer to the first question never changed. The second question is where the plan starts to form.

5.) Bring them into next month and next week. For each priority, name one specific thing you'll do in the next 30 days, and one thing you'll do in the next 7. If one of yours is a lifelong connection with your kids, next week might be breakfast, a hike, or an evening with your phone in another room.

6.) Put them on the calendar first. I book my life first. Faith, family, and workouts go on my calendar before work does. Your business will fill every open hour you give it, so the priorities from your eulogy need to claim their hours before it does.

7.) Reread it when you set goals. Pull your eulogy out every time you sit down for your annual, quarterly, or monthly planning. Let the business goals and scorecards serve the life on that page.

One more idea: if someone you love is near the end of their life, ask them what mattered most. In the last year of my dad's life, I asked him 80 questions, and almost every answer was about his relationships.

Keep the scorecard, change the starting point

To be clear, I still set business goals, and I still track results. The change is where I start. When I begin with how I'm feeling today and project out a year, things get blurry. When I begin with the end in mind, as Stephen Covey put it, and work my way back to today, the priorities stay clear whether I'm looking 50 years out or at next Tuesday.

If you work through these steps and get stuck somewhere between the page and your calendar, I'd be glad to help you sort it out. You can book an Unstuck Call anytime.

Thank you!

-Dave Hooke.